Somewhere Between Never and Forever

"You are where God wants you to be at this very moment. Every experience is part of His divine plan." 

I'm at that that point in life where I'm a single college student who goes to class, goes to work, goes back to class, to church, then to my bed where I watch Netflix until my eyes won't stay open anymore. Oh and I study too, don't worry. I've noticed that people call this "a lonely time."And it is. It can be, that is. When you're in college, you expect (well at least I did) to meet a gazillion people, make your lifelong best friends, meet your prince charming, have your life all figured out by the time your handed your diploma on the day of your long awaited graduation. Then, you go out and start your life with your new husband, new job, and new house. Talk about happily ever after, huh? 

For some people, that's what happens. I have a close and precious friend who's life pretty much played out that way. And that's 100% okay because that is her story. The one God wrote specifically and uniquely for her. For me on the other hand, God has a different story that He has created for me. I only know 20 years of it so far and even though it's not where I thought I would be, it's pretty great. 

I get all giddy at the sight and thought of weddings, babies, engagements, etc. No really, I cried more at my friend's wedding last year than her mom did. When my friends' tell me they're pregnant, I respond with "What?! Oh my goodness!" in a really high pitched voice. It takes me a minute to process these exciting, life changing events before I completely realize that it's reality. I LOVE when people I love are excited and happy because they are taking a big step in life and creating something beautiful whether it's a marriage, a job, or a family. I love seeing beauty created here on earth. So, when my friend Sydney got engaged and then married, I wanted to cry (happy tears) every time I thought about it because I knew God created Jason for Sydney, and Sydney for Jason BEFORE they were even born. This made me so happy for them and was something that was and still is beautiful to see. Also, when the Jones' told me they were having their first daughter, and THEN their second daughter, I was on cloud 9. I don't know where cloud 9 is or how you get to it, but I was there. Once again, I could see how God had written Sarah's story and Gary's story and blended them together into a marriage, then eventually a family of 4. These stories happen all the time, all over the world but I will never get tired of them. 

Although part of me, most of me, is excited for those friends of mine, the other part of me longs for those things--a marriage, my dream job, a family. I'm a girl, it's what we want, okay. My heart is overjoyed when I witness a wedding or hold a new born baby or celebrate a birthday or engagement because I know the beauty in them. With that being said, my heart wants those things, deeply. There is nothing wrong that unless you allow your desires (even if they are holy and good desires) to make you discontent with where you are now. This is where I have struggled lately. There are people popping the question and popping out babies left and right!! It's crazily exciting but also just crazy. Every day someone new is getting married, having a baby, graduating college, getting their first job, etc. Except, none of these things are happening to me. This is where the desires of my flesh cause my heart to drift away from God and trusting in His plan. 

I'll be honest and tell you that it's hard to hang out with married couples when you're single. I think most people would agree with that. I never ever felt way until recently. The majority of my closest, longest friends are married with families. I have about 2 people my age and single who aren't. I LOVE MARRIED COUPLES. They are THE BEST friends to have because you learn so much from them and they are wiser than friends your age. It's the truth. I just had another good friend of mine get engaged a few weeks ago and now I'm helping her plan wedding things and talking about her and her future of being a bride. It's so exciting and my heart is truly overjoyed for her. But it's also hard. It's to see other people get the things you want. That's true when you're 5 and you see the kid at the store get the ice cream that your mom said you can't have. The struggle is real when you're 5. We all have things we want and desire. For me, I honestly just want a godly husband, healthy children who will grow up and love Jesus, opportunities to go to Africa and Haiti, and a job teaching children. But guess what? I'm not married or anywhere close. I've been single for over a year. I don't have kids yet or a job teaching. I've wanted to go to Africa for 8 years now and still haven't gone. It's discouraging, I know.

This is where I tend to stop more often than not. I stop and think about all the things I desire but don't have. I get discouraged and frustrated. I tell myself, " I am never getting out of this phase of life." Or I say, "I am going to be stuck here forever." I let the devil tell me lies about myself and why I don't have these things. Why would I listen to his lies when I have God's truth and promises hidden deeply in my heart? I should be reminding myself that I am His [Christ's] bride. I have His seal. I have His name. I am His. No devil in hell can touch me. No thing of this world can steal me from Him. 

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"

Genesis 2:18 "Then the Lord said, "it is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him."

Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

          Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

This last verse, "The heart of a man plans his way, but the LORD determines his steps", is my life verse right now. If the things I had planned for my life actually happened, I would be lost and everything but content. If it were up to me, I would have married my high school boyfriend. But now, since the Lord changed my steps, I see why that wouldn't have been such a good plan. If I would have been at the college I originally planned on graduating from, I wouldn't have grown so much here where I am now. Praise the Lord that his ways are higher than our ways. I see my story in the moment it is happening. I see others' stories as they are happening, but that's it. God sees the whole picture, He sees the last page of the story. And not only does he see it all, he created, wrote, and perfected it all. How comforting is to know that the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, our Savior, is the one in control? I can barely walk and chew gum at the same time so the idea of me trying to plan out my whole life and also live it at the same time is a joke. Thankfully, God is great at multi-tasking. That's why He's God and I'm not. He has written every one of ours stories and each is unique and special and filled with His grace and love.

When your heart's delight, joy, and fulfillment come from the Lord, your desires will be honoring to Him. You MUST find your contentment in Him before anything else. I still desire to be married, to have kids, to teach, to go to Africa. But you know what? It doesn't have to be today. I believe that each of those desires of mine are ones that God put on my heart and that one day, He will bless me with. But, there is a reason why I do not have those things right now. God knows I'm not ready for all of those things. Maybe I'm close, but not there yet. Right now, I am exactly...EXACTLY where God wants me to be. How do I know that? Well, it's impossible for me to be anywhere but where God wants me. Maybe God is making me wait to find my future husband because God is still working in and on the perfect man for me. And maybe, no definitely, God is still working in me so that I am exactly who my future husband needs me to be. God's timing isn't ever wrong, too late, or too soon. It is perfect. God wants me to enjoy and find contentment in where I am right now. There is beauty in it, there is joy, and there is growth.

So, if you're like me and feel like you are stuck somewhere between never and forever, trust me when I say that God is preparing you second by second, for the next second. He has not forgotten about you. He is not withholding something good from you because He's unloving. He is making you wait for what is great. Be strong, have courage, and wait on King Jesus.