Who I Am Today {My Testimony}

Challenges. We are guaranteed difficulties and hard days. That's life. But when something arouses, your faith and relationship with Christ are crucial. In my life, this has become extremely evident. When I was about 6 years old, my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Obviously when I was in 1st grade I knew basically nothing about this disease except that it was bad and would make her sick. I thought she was going to get better and life would be fine soon. As I got older, year after year, my mom didn't get better. She was in remission for a few months though. When I was in 5th grade, 10 years old, her cancer was quickly becoming worse. She was on Chemotherapy and radiation for so long. This caused her to lose all her hair, lose feeling in her hands and feet, made her exhausted all the time, and sick. She couldn't go out a lot except to the doctor and sometimes to church. I hated that she was never at my basketball games, my church performances, etc. I didn't like not having a "normal mom." Whatever that meant.  I saw my friends shopping with their moms, having dates, laughing and joking around, and being best friends. I didn't get that. For long at least. I know now that my mom tried so hard every minute of every day to make us still feel loved and important to her. And she did. No doubt about it. She never ever complained. Not once. That is mind blowing to me. I complain about a headache, a twisted ankle, a test that's too hard to study for, and other things. She was dying from cancer, in pain all the time, losing her feeling an memory more everyday. Yet she still managed to have a smile on her face and love Christ. On Christmas Eve of 2006 she passed away. I knew it was coming. My dad and siblings did too. 3 nights before then was my sister's 13th birthday. We all went into her room and celebrated it with her. She smiled so big, thankful for my sister and that she was here for another one of her birthdays. However, 2 days after that, we all went to tell her goodnight and she couldn't remember who we were. I remember giving her a hug and she hugged back. She said to my dad, "Scott, what's going on? I don't really remember who they are." It was really hard hearing that. But I knew it wasn't her fault. My dad told us on the morning of December 24, 2006 that God took our mom home to be with Him.

 It finally hit me that she was gone and I wasn't going to have her as my best friend. She wouldn't be there when I made the basketball team, had my first boyfriend, graduated, got married, or had kids. She was only there for 11 years of my life. Not fair. After the Christmas season was over and the New Year started, I changed. Not in a good way. I shut myself away from everyone. I didn't want to talk to people about things going on in my life. I thought I could do everything on my own. I didn't need people's sympathy or encouragement. None of it could bring my mom back. I was mad at everyone. I was mad that my mom was gone, mad that Hope, Allan, and Joy didn't have a mom anymore either. Mad that my dad lost his one true love and best friend. How was he supposed to take care of us by himself? It would be a challenge. One I thought was impossible. I more importantly, was mad at God. I asked the question why? Why did He take her, my mom? What did she do to deserve it? What did our family do? I pushed Him away and didn't want to trust him or frankly, have anything to do with Him. It took about 3 years before I came to Him again. Even though I didn't view it as God caring for me he was; He put Emily McDaniel, LeighEllen Morrison, and Virginia Jacks in my life. Lemme tell you, these are the 3 of THE most amazing girls you could ever know. They continually encouraged me with Scripture, notes, and love. It had been 4 years since my mom died and I was getting back on my feet and starting to trust God again. Virginia was disciple-ing me and helping me draw closer to our Savior. I had just turned 15 and my 10th grade year of school had just begun. Virginia and I were excited about getting to play basketball together on the Varsity team and talked about it ALL THE TIME. 

However, God had a different plan in mind. On September 17, 2010 He let me run into her at Nancy's that night and we talked for a while. Little did I know that would be the last time I saw her. It was a Friday night. The next day she left for the Auburn vs. Clemson football game and she was pumped! She loved her some Auburn Tigers! I woke up Sunday morning, September 20   and my parents told me they needed to talk to me and my sister. "Virginia was killed in a car accident last night in Auburn..I'm so sorry." my dad said with tears in his eyes. The absolute, worst news I could ever receive. "Virginia can't be gone. There's no way." I thought to myself. I didn't believe it. I sat in my bed crying and crying for hours. I got to church and saw everyone. I immediately could tell they all knew too. I ran to Margaret Anne and Leighellen and just sobbed. We were all holding each other, crying, wishing it would just end and we'd wake up to find it was just a dream. It wasn't. Virginia Jacks was gone. Only 17 years old. one of my best friends, teammates, and big sister. Our church, school, and community were all devastated by her death.  

Thankfully, the devastation was eventually overcome by amazement and remembrance of Virginia and her life. She displayed Christ and His love, his humility, and kindness so well. Christ was in her heart and it was seen in her smile and her life. We were all challenged by this and still are today. Its been a year and four months since she died. It's crazy to think about. I never, in a million years would have guessed that this would happen. I'm glad it did in a way. If this hadn't happened, I don't know where my relationship with Christ would be today. Once I finally realized she was gone  I was faced once again with the same question i was when my mom died: Draw nearer to Christ or push him away? Draw near. Definitely. God showed me my need of Him and how I couldn't get through this trial without Him. I am so glad he did. I have never been so in love, passionate, or amazed with God as I am today. Once again, God put other people in my life who encouraged me, held me, and loved me when my world was falling apart...again. At this point, God put people in my life to encourage me (and still is today) These were all people who knew Virginia. Knew God. Loved Virginia. And loved God. Even if they don't know it, they have helped me get through so much and truly truly mean the world to me.  God put challenges in my life that lots of people never deal with. I mean, I lost my mom and friend all before I was 16. Its crazy. But it made me crazier for Him.  Difficulties in life make things harder. Obviously. But they lead to something great in the end. They lead to strength.  They lead to wisdom and faith. Faith to trust God NO MATTER what is going on. He stays the same even when everything else around you is changing. He puts people there to pick you up when you fall. People to comfort you and cry with you when you're sad. People to push you on and lead to Him when you wanna give up. THAT is one of the greatest things about our Lord. He won't put us through anything we can't get through. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Because, when everything seems to be falling apart that's when God is putting things  together, just the way He wants it. For our good. So in my life, I've learned, in the happy moments praise God. In the difficult moments seek God. In the quiet moments trust God, and in every moment, praise God!