Getting Past the Heartbreak

"Pain makes you stronger, tears make you braver, and heart break makes you wiser.

So thank your past for a better future."

Alright, so I am definitely not a "love doctor" or even an expert on the subject. I'm so far from it. However, I do experience that has given me more wisdom and taught me more than anything else can. When I say, "Getting Past the Heartbreak", I realized that it is much much easier said than done. A heartbreak is defined as overwhelming distress. Completely accurate. I think that if you don't experience some level of distress, then your heart was not really broken. When something is broken, it has been fractured or damaged, and is no longer the way it was before - no longer, perfect or whole. Even though the heart is not physically and actually broken, the heart that we talk about in regards to emotions, love, and care, is broken. And I think that is even harder to repair than our physical hearts. Here's why...

Every single thing that you love, whether big or small, requires a piece of your heart. That being said, it is up to you what things or people you give that precious privilege to. I learned that recently and it was both amazing and devastating. Anyone who knows me relatively well knows that I am a giver, I care with everything in me, and I’m loyal. When I love something or someone (for the sake of this example), I made it obvious. I do this on purpose because it is so so so important that the people you love, KNOW they are loved. When I know that I love someone, I cannot help but show it and make it visible to them, and to others around. In addition to that, loyalty is important. Not just in a dating relationship or marriage but in friendships. If you practice loyalty in friendships, it will help you be loyal in a relationship. At least that's how it was for me. But even if you have these things, you aren't promised a perfect relationship or no heartbreak. Those can come at any moment, especially when you least expect it.

For me, I unfortunately experience my heart being broken when I was 17, then again when I was 18. Same guy. Yeah, I was that girl who dated a guy, broke up, dated again, then broke up again. both times we dated, I was happier than I ever had been before, and loved him more and more every day. But on the contrary, both times we broke up, I was the most upset and devastated that I have ever been before. And that makes sense. I started dating this guy (Jacob) my senior year of high school and he wasn't the guy I would have picked out of a crowd or even picked as my "dream guy". He came into my life, my school, and my heart out of nowhere. I didn't expect him or the things I would experience and learn because of him. My parents didn't let me date in high school so obviously this was gonna be tricky cause he wanted to date me, and I wanted to date him. Long story short, my entire senior year consisted of him and I trying to fight against my parents and their (excuse me but, absurd, rules). Even though I wasn't able to talk to this guy besides at school, or basketball games, we both found ourselves loving each other more and more with every memory made and day that went by. I've never dated anyone or wanted/tried before him so he was special because I won't date just anyone, or fight so hard against my family for just anyone. foolishly, him and I talked about how we wanted to get married. Yes, that is the reason we should date and the reason I wanted to date Jacob, but these conversations were what caused my heart to be broken later on. The conversations you have with someone about marriage, tug on your heart more than you even know. I had no idea how much of my heart I was giving him, or he was giving me, with every convo we had. I truly, with all my heart, believed he was the guy God had picked out for me. We made all these plans about literally everything from when we we wanted to get married,  how many kids we wanted, where we wanted to live, to what kinds of food we would cook for meals. Yeah. We had it set in our hearts and minds that we were going to end up together.

But then, the summer before I moved to Auburn for college, I wasn't happy anymore, and I didn't think he was either. So we decided to take and break and end our relationship to "work on things we needed to work on". That's the dumbest reason ever to break up like I did that and it's so not true its just an excuse we give so we don't have to admit the real probs. I cried about this for weeks and weeks. Him and I both went from being civil with each other, to being more angry than ever before, then back to missing each other and regretting the break up. I moved to college with out him and was happy to move because it meant I could FINALLY move on from him. Too bad that didn't happen.

I was only in Auburn a few months before he came back into my life. I admit that I still wasn't over him and didn't think I ever would be, but I told people I was. Next thing I know, we were back together. I let the same guy who broke my heart just months ago, walk back in and steal it all over again. And he did the same. Some friends told it was stupid to do and others supported me. During that time (the second time around) I can honestly say was the happiest time of my 18 years of life. I thought, "wow. How many people get second chances at this?" The guy I loved with everything in me was back and we were gonna make it work this time. And we did, for a little bit. But once again, heart break was right around the corner. I got to a point where I knew we both were miserable (bc of distance, jealously, my parents, and his parents) and exhausted from the relationship, instead of happy and encouraged. After weeks of prayer, advice from a couple friends, and more prayer, I knew it needed to end once again. This time was even harder to actually break up because I knew there was no chance I would date Jacob again and that broke my heart. I also felt like and idiot for dating and breaking up with the same guy twice. But ultimately, I was terrified and upset to hurt him again. I told him that his happiness was what was most important to me, and that he was not happy in this relationship. Granted, if my parents would have let us date and not had so many boundaries, rules, and punishment, I think we still would be happily dating. However, God did not what that to happen. I didn't see why at first, but now I do.

Having my heart broken rocked my world because I loved him like I have never loved another human being on this earth. It was different kind of love, sacrifice, and loyalty than I had ever experienced before. I gave my whole heart, all my energy, and all my care to him, so once that was taken away, I didn't know what to do. I did not think I would ever find someone else who I could give all that too. And it took me A LONG time to get to where I am now. I have friends who break up with their bf or gf and then a week later they are dating someone else. It blows my mind every time and I don't know how they do it. I kind of envied them at times because it was taking me so long to move on; to even consider noticing some one else; to even think about dating another guy. It took me almost 4 and half months to get to the point where I was past the heartbreak, past the boy, and past the illusion that I would never find another man. But, now I am at a point where he is in the past, and I can move past it. Time is what I needed. For some people, it may be another guy or whatever. But for me, it was time to be alone and time to let the feelings and love all fade away. Now don't get me wrong, I still love him just like I love all people, and I still care about him more than alot of other people, but that's it.

A broken heart is just like a broken bone...

When you break a bone, there is pain and soreness, but there is also support and healing. Same with a broken heart. For me, I love so so deeply and so real, that my break was harder and deeper than most. It affected my day to day life, my personality, and my happiness. I think that is okay, but just for a little bit. The pain of  the broken bone eventually fades, but the soreness comes next. I got past the tears, pain, and depression thankfully, but there was still sadness and soreness left from the faults in the relationship, friendship, and break up. BUT, there's a positive side. Broken bones require help and support from a cast, medicine, and a doctor. Thank goodness God provided my heart with those things. He gave me friends upon friends who supported me, loved on me, and encouraged me. He gave me his word and His promises to comfort me, and He gave me Himself as a the doctor who mended my heart, and put it back together with His love. A love that will never fade away, diminish, or break me. His love is lasting and for ever. That is a lesson I learned and I would do it all over again. God made my heart and knows it better than any one else ever will. He is the lover of my soul and healer of my scars, who steady my heart. And because of Him, I am able to get over the heart break and have faith that God will guide the right man to me, and God will hold my hand the whole way. Remember that it is OK if moving on takes you a while. There is no rush. Anyways, no love is greater than God's love and when earthly love falls short, He is there with outstretched arms, ready to embrace me. And THAT is what got me through my broken heart, no matter how long it may have taken.